Tips on V and V Safe Sex
There is a lack of sex education in our country and our world, around literally everything having to do with sex. Now, when we narrow down even further and we look at the LGBTQ umbrella, there is even less education when it comes to sex. So,, let’s do just that! Time to talk about relationships and sex between two vulva owners, and/or two women.
We know that if two vagina owners or two people without penises are having sex that there's not a chance for pregnancy, but there’s not a lot of education around the other risk factors that are involved in this flavor of sex. Today we’re going to talk about how folks, specifically women having sex with other women (or any gender that has a vulva) can prevent bacterial vaginosis (BV), the spread of STIs or STDs, yeast infections and UTIs — which all can happen no matter what genders are having sex. Here are three tips (sex therapist approved!), to have the safest WLW sex possible.
First and foremost, sit down and have this conversation with your sexual partner(s). It might feel awkward, but that’s only because it’s a relatively new idea to actually communicate about safe(r) sex with our partners. It’s okay if this conversation feels a bit uncomfortable, but it’s still absolutely necessary to have! During this conversation, allow space for each person to share their concerns, their needs, and their desire for protection. Knowing these things about each other and having mutual expectations in place before heading into a sexy situation, allows for more space to be comfortable in the moment together. Plus, it helps you be able to prepare for sex if there are things (such as dental dams, toy cleaner, etc.) that need to be purchased beforehand.
Secondly, (and this is very important) clean your toys. If you are using a dildo, a strap on, a vibrator, or even an external clitoral suction toy, there is bacteria on it. Now this does not mean you're dirty. It does not mean that you're gross. It just means that our body has bacteria, and when we use a sex toy, that bacteria gets on the toy. So it's incredibly important that we clean our toys in between uses (especially if you might be sharing those toys with another human!). There are some really good toy cleaners on the market or you can use unscented soap and warm water.
Thirdly, use a dental dam with a new partner. You’re probably thinking, “where the heck would I purchase a dental dam?” Well, if you don't wanna go out and find a dental dam (which is protection between your mouth and someone else's vulva), you can use a condom! By cutting it, the condom can actually turn into your very own dental dam. I strongly recommend that you find condoms that are vegan so that they don't taste like latex (Royal, PS Condoms, and Jems are my go-tos).
Another tool that you can utilize in WLW sex is what’s called a finger cot. Visualize this as a condom for your finger. It is a latex covering that goes over your finger so that no matter what's underneath your nail, if you happen to scratch inside, or if there are any sores inside, your finger is protected. You may have even seen your local bartender wearing one of these after they cut themselves, protecting the bar patrons from their wound.
Finally, please remember that consent is just as important in this type of sex as it is in any type of sex. Sex is a meaningful experience of pleasure, and we need consent from the other person or other people involved for them to participate in that meaningful experience of pleasure. So get consent and remember that it can be taken away at any time, check in with your partner or partners, and have fun!